The times have changed
my path's been altered
I knew it was coming
And Yet I faltered

I reflect and disguise
the tears in my eyes
I reflect and reject
What I refuse to accept

So long old friends
Good bye old life
the times have changed
but still with strife

Forget all these pains
forget the horrors
its time to move on
as old world explorers

New lands await
new stories to tell
my only hope:
forget this hell

I forgot how good it can be to feel happy. I haven't been this ok with life in quite some time.

Its ok that some things didn't work out. It's ok that I faced so many challenges. It's ok because my life has moved forward.

Spoken Poetry is my life now. My future is around the bend and I can't wait.

I don't need to speak to the ghosts of my past anymore. I don't need to and it feels good. Things are looking up and I am enjoying it more than you or anyone else could know.

Thank you, whoever you are. Because today, the world is smiling upon us all.

Some years ask questions and some years answer.

This is a year of asking.

I don't know why but nothing works anymore. I can't be at home. I can't be at school. I can't think of tomorrow. I can't think of today. There is nowhere for my soul to find solace.

I have no determination because I have no solid thoughts. I can't think clearly about any of it because deep down I know there are no answers. It just is.

Apparently that answer has overloaded my system capacity and I am currently working in overload mode. This is what happens when your computer slowly melts down just before it self destructs.

Error: Does not compute.

So what do you do when you can see the end but refuse to embrace it. Not that embracing the end would be bad, but really I can't embrace anything. Nothing works anymore. I can't even make decisions. How am I supposed to know what to do when I can barely function, let alone calculate complex maneuvers.

I wish I was closer to God. I talk to him everynight, but I don't know how else to reach out. Church scares me. I can barely talk to other humans about anything God related. I know the only way to get through this is to find Him, but I have no idea how.

I am Louise but who she is I can not say.

Just a few more days. Thats what I keep telling myself. Last through Wensday and then the worst has come and gone.

But as I sit here now in the strange twilight between the start and the finish I'm not so sure this arbitrary measurement has any true meaning. My problems will still be there Thursday; my life will not dramatically change. I might have a shot at saying something then, but thats all, just a shot.

The same shit that surrounds me now is the same shit that will surround me then.

My only hope lies in the chance to speak, but even that is limited. I know myself well enough to know that I never speak when I really need to. I just suck it up and let it fester without releasing the ever growing burden.

But whatever, this life doesn't mean that much anyways. I've done my job; I've completed my work. In the end thats all I'll ever have anyways. Words are so much wasted air in the end.

Have we lost all concept of racism?

The Black Value system. That doesn't sound so terrible on the surface, right? well, lets just think a moment about this. If I said the White Value system, what's the first thing that comes to mind? I'm guessing Nazis or white supremacists of some sort. So why is the black version less stinging?

We have been spoon fed Politically correct nonsense for so long that we have started turning a blind eye to the most obvious forms of racism. If I wanted to start a White pride club at my High School, it would be impossible. Everyone would call me a Nazi and would laugh. But we have a Korean club. We have clubs just like what mine would be, but since I'm white I can't participate.

The world has decided that White culture, values and ideals are worthless. Not just worthless but intrinsically racist.

What happened to MLK Jr's idea. Equallity is what everyone deserves. Blacks deserve to have the same treatment as whites. Asians deserve to have the same treatment as blacks. Latinos deserve to have the same treatment as asians. No one deserves to be given anything less based on their race.

When did we forget his message: "I have a dream that one day all men will be judged by the character of what's in their heart and not the color of their skin."